Thanks

When I was a first time parent, like many parents, I was very interested in helping my child to learn colors, numbers, letters, and while I was committed to encouraging my child’s faith I really didn’t have a particular way of going about doing that.  I thought that encouraging their faith meant teaching them about God and making sure they were obedient and got to church on Sunday.

As my children grew older and in number, I began to realize that my words would only go so far.  I could tell them that they needed to be kind their sisters, but I couldn’t help notice that when I acted kind to them, they would act kinder to each other.  There was more than one time when I found myself yelling at them to stop yelling at each other, silly now that I look back (sad really), but I simply wasn’t recognizing that my actions were teaching them differently than my words, like many parents.

Fortunately for my family, God answered my prayers for wisdom and showed me the sin in my life.  God showed me that He has given me gifts (Psalm 127:3-4) and these gifts are nothing other than His precious children whom He has asked me to take care of while He is gone.  If I want my children to value God’s word, I need to put God’s Word at the center of my personal and family’s life.  If I want my children to turn to God in prayer, I need to turn to God in prayer frequently in front of them.  If I want my children to have a worshipful heart, I must have a humble spirit that recognizes the life God saved me from and daily worship before Him.

When I think about how merciful God has been that He opened my eyes to what my role as a father really is, when I think about how my life would have been filled with regret and sorrow if God hadn’t showed me what a true disciple looks like to his family, I can do nothing but be on my knees praising Him for the mercy He has shown me and my family.

So I eagerly gather my children together in the morning and teach them Biblical truths and eagerly gather the family in the evening for worship, Bible reading, memorizing Scripture, and prayer.

I am committed to being profitable with the gifts God has given me.  I am committed to not only gather them together, but to pour my life into them as an example of Christ in their lives.  As I strain toward the goal of perfection, even though I haven’t obtained it, I willingly ask my children to likewise imitate me.  If my children do the same for their children, and God mercifully adopts them, in twelve generations I will have a million children profiting the Kingdom of God.

I ask that you indulge me for a minute and allow me to consider what it means to disciple someone.  Because the heart of my criticism of small groups is that most of the time no real discipling going on.

Of course, not everyone has the same definition of what it means to make disciples (Matt. 28:19) and so it seems I should make it clear what my definition is, and by my definition I mean what I am convinced the Bible says about the matter.  Please don’t think my ramblings are the full width and depth of the matter: there are large books written on the topic.  That all being said, let’s get to it:

Discipleship is choosing to walk your faith in front of others as an example, a willingness to pour your Spirit filled life into theirs as you teach them Biblical Truths.

There, we got the tough part out of the way.

Here are the passages I think supports this definition.

12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained. 17 Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.  (Phil 3:12-17 ESV)

In my former life, I used to race road bikes, like Lance Armstrong not Nicky Hayden, and I was fortunate enough to have access to some seasoned pros and national champions.  I spent my first 2 years of cycling copying everything they did: if they took a drink, I took a drink; if they shifted gears, I shifted gears. I copied everything.

By the end of the 2 years I was becoming a top amateur cyclist, something that usually takes much longer.  This was possible because these top cyclists made themselves available to me and taught me everything they knew, and some things they didn’t know they knew but I saw as I imitated them.

They weren’t perfect and they didn’t have everything figured out but they had more figured out than I did.

This is part of the reason that I believe more people don’t try to disciple others: they think they have to be perfect in order be able to teach someone.  But that is the world’s wisdom.  Paul says that he has not obtained perfection, but he strains toward the goal of perfection and he calls on his readers in Phillipi, and us, to imitate him and the others who are walking in this example.

It is not pride that causes us to disciple others, but gratitude.  Gratitude for the horrible life and the horrible destruction God saved us from.  I encourage you to seek to be discipled and to disciple.  You are not being prideful or saying you have everything figured out.  You are obeying God.  This is why John tells us, “By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey His commandments.” Our love for God causes us to love His children, it can be no other way.

There is a deeper issue here that needs to be pointed out because many of you are probably wondering, “How is this any different than what a small group does?”  Small groups, for the most part, are all talk.  You talk about what you might do in one situation or another or you talk about what someone else said or did.  But we don’t live in small groups.  We live in houses of some sort.  We can’t be examples of how we raise our children when our children aren’t around.  We can’t be examples of how to be a good spouse when our spouse isn’t around.  We can teach each other but we can’t watch each other in small groups, and discipleship involves the whole package.

The point is that there must be context for there to be discipleship.

What if, instead of spending hundreds of miles behind some of the best cyclists in the country, I spent the same amount of time talking with them and having them explain to me what they did?  Would I have become a better cyclist? Absolutely.  Would I have become the cyclist I became?  Absolutely not!  It was not good enough to just talk about racing bikes.  I had to see it in action, in context, in order to understand the nuances and why real time decisions were made during the dynamics of a race.

There is another verse that I believe is key in the idea of discipleship:

12 He said therefore, “A nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom and then return. 13 Calling ten of his servants, he gave them ten minas,and said to them, ‘Engage in business until I come.’ 14 But his citizens hated him and sent a delegation after him, saying, ‘We do not want this man to reign over us.’ 15 When he returned, having received the kingdom, he ordered these servants to whom he had given the money to be called to him, that he might know what they had gained by doing business. 16 The first came before him, saying, ‘Lord, your mina has made ten minas more.’17 And he said to him, ‘Well done, good servant! Because you have been faithful in a very little, you shall have authority over ten cities.’ 18 And the second came, saying, ‘Lord, your mina has made five minas.’ 19 And he said to him, ‘And you are to be over five cities.’ 20 Then another came, saying, ‘Lord, here is your mina, which I kept laid away in a handkerchief; 21 for I was afraid of you, because you are a severe man. You take what you did not deposit, and reap what you did not sow.’ 22 He said to him, ‘I will condemn you with your own words, you wicked servant! You knew that I was a severe man, taking what I did not deposit and reaping what I did not sow? 23 Why then did you not put my money in the bank, and at my coming I might have collected it with interest?’ 24 And he said to those who stood by, ‘Take the mina from him, and give it to the one who has the ten minas.’ 25 And they said to him, ‘Lord, he has ten minas!’ 26 ‘I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 27 But as for these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slaughter them before me.’” (Luke 19:12-27 ESV)

Why does this relate to discipleship?

God has provided to us a certain number of people in our lives. The question is: what are we going to do with what He has given us? Are we going to be profitable and pour ourselves into their lives or are we going to do nothing in their lives?  God has given us these opprotunities and we will have to give an account to God for what we did with what He gave us.  His children are very precious and it matters to Him whether we point them in the right direction or walk in front of them to show the way.

The final thought I want to share is by looking at the life of Jesus and Paul.

Jesus allowed His disciples to be with Him for three years.  They ate, slept, traveled, prayed, listened, and talked with Him.  He took time to teach them how to pray and how to think about the Kingdom of God, what true love meant, what sacrifice meant, how to show compassion, how to heal, how to have faith, and how to obey.  In other words, He taught them and led from the front.

Then He turned to us and said, “Go and make disciples of all nations.”

Paul, likewise, invested His heart and soul into the different people that he discipled. But like Jesus, it did not last forever.  Discipleship is not permanent.  It is the critical foundation and footings that are built upon through the believer’s life.

Well, hopefully I was convincing in my definition of discipleship.  Regardless, that was the easy part.  If we accept that Jesus modeled for us the ideal discipleship pattern, how close can we get to this pattern?  How do we spend day and night with anyone, for any period of time?  That seems impossible.

I will talk about this in Part 3.

“Hey John, I’d like to start a small group can you put me on the list?”  ”Sure!  Just get me a picture and let me know what day and time and I’ll get you setup.”  How many of us have had this conversation or know someone who has had this conversation?  The amazing part is: it really is that easy to get a portion of the church assigned to be under you.  That’s great for you, at least you might think so.  But bad for the church and when it’s bad for the church, it’s bad for you.

If you have already read my last post on the Major Leadership Problems we have in the church, then you probably think you know where I am going with this, and in a way you would be right: there is very little accountability that occurs between the leadership of the church and the small group leaders.

But that is not the real problem.  The church is failing.  Now I think it is important to say here that I have a deep love for the Church and I am pointing out that it is failing because unless we acknowledge the elephant in the room we will never do anything about it.

We know it’s failing because we can see that we are not a people set apart from the world.  As the Church, we have the same divorce rates as the national average, 70% of our children are leaving the faith by the second year in college and 34% of those are not coming back by the age of 30,  that means that if you have 4 children statistically 3 of them will walk away from the faith for up to 10 years of their life.  And we don’t believe that children are a Gift from God (see Psalm 127).

How do I know children aren’t valued as gifts from God?  For the last 10 years Christian birth rates have been below the world average, which right now is 2.61%.  Would you go into battle with 2.61 arrows?  Probably not.

What does this tell us? Well it tells a few things.

1)  The fact that we have the same divorce rates, and some studies have shown that Christians have higher than normal divorce rates, as the secular population, tells us that they do not value God’s word and seek to obey His commandments, like where it says several times: do not divorce.  But it also tells us that people don’t have a biblical perspective on marriage but a worldly perspective.

2) The fact that 70%-88%, depending on which study you look at, of our children are walking away from the faith by their second year of college, tells us that it was never their faith, it was their parent’s faith.  As soon as they came out from under the wings of their parents, their faith in God was tested and found wanting.

3)  The fact that many Chrisitan parents complain about their children and view them as a burden, that they believe God has left it up to them to decide how many gifts He will give them, tells us that many Christians do not have a biblical perspective on children.

But the question is: Am I reading into things or are there studies to support these deductions?  The sad truth gives us a picture very bleak, correctable, but potentially disheartening if we didn’t have faith in our Redeemer.  Based on studies done by Nehemiah Institute:

The way the church has been trying to take care of the flock isn’t working.

Would a shepherd let anyone who volunteered take care of his flock?  I don’t think so.  Yet leaders frequently, probably without realizing it, abdicate their responsibilities to people who have no business teaching or leading other Christians.  Even if they do have a biblical perspective, there is rarely any accountability.

Why do I think that small groups have caused the failing of the church?  In truth, they haven’t.  Small groups are just one of many bandwagons that the church has jumped onto in an effort to assuage and comfort their flock.  Church leaders, because they desperately love their flock, follow like lemmings the trends that the mega churches set.  Today it is small groups but it is already transitioning to other things like para-church ministries, which have no accountability to any church.

One of the major problems for many churches has been an incorrect interpretation of the Word.  Many people, myself included at one point, believe that because of what happened in Acts, where God “added to their number daily”, that we should constantly strive to “add to our numbers.”  But if we look more closely at how God often works, we see that God does not need numbers but dedication and reliance upon Him.

There is a wonderful story of how God continued to cause Gideon’s army to be smaller and smaller until the original 22,000 men became 300 and it was with these men that God defeated the Midianites.  Likewise, Jesus used 12 disciples to establish His church and frequently said things which caused those that followed Him to leave. Jesus did not structure His ministry to build the largest possible following, but instead sought to cause those who were chosen to believe that He was the Messiah and then obey His commandments.

What’s the point?  God does not call us to “add to our numbers”.  The problem is that the church leaders have been too eager to build a large church and then keep it large.  There is no physical way for two pastors to be able to stay in touch with 500 to 3000 people.  But God doesn’t ask us as Christians to stay in touch with each other,  God calls us to make disciples of the nations (Matthew 28:19).  The church is failing to make disciples of Christ.  Disciples obey and seek to emulate their master.

There is another problem, which I mentioned earlier: children are walking away from the faith in unprecendented numbers and while 75% of those who grow up in Christian families end up returning to their faith by age 30, 75% also walk away from the faith for a small or large portion of their twenties.  This is not good.  When they are in continuously sinful disobedience to God, they open themselves up to many sins, sins that could dramatically change the rest of their lives for the worse.  They could have a sinful moment they will regret for the rest of their lives.

I was talking with a good friend who is providing pre-marital counseling for 20 married couples and only 1 out of the 20 couples are coming from families that aren’t torn apart!  The truth is that families are falling apart in the church.  So far the church’s answer to the problem has been, “Come to our small groups.  The men meet on Tuesdays, the women on Thursdays, married couples meet Wednesday nights (if you have kids you’ll have to get a babysitter), and of course your teenagers are welcome to come on Wednesday nights also.  The young ones can come on Sunday and we have a special room for them so they get relevant instruction and you aren’t bothered by them.”  The family is falling apart and the typical church rips them apart even further!

The bottom line: Meeting once a week does not build a disciple.  Meeting once a week with 1000 other people and then once a week with someone completely different(read: small group leader) does not build a disciple either.  Look at Jesus and His disciples.  They spent day and night with Him and asked Him questions and sought his advice.  When He overheard something that was misguided He would take the time to instruct them on how the Kingdom of God worked.

So am I suggesting that pastors or elders should only have 12-15 disciples and spend day and night with them? No.

I’ll get into what I think the answer is in Part Two.

We’ve got a major problem where there is NO discernment happening when it comes to choosing leaders.  Basically, if someone raises their hand to lead, they are selected.  From personal experience, and the experience of my wife, we were NEVER questioned when we offered to lead youth groups, small groups, any group.  My wife led a girls group at San Clemente Pres for years and no one had a clue what she was teaching these girls.  To be sure it was godly and biblical, but not because the church had anything to do with it.

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:

• As a parent, do you have any clue what your youth group leader believes regarding the inerrancy of the Bible, the sufficiency of Scripture, chastity, absolute truth, etc? 
• Have you ever had dinner with your youth group pastor or the leaders in the church and seen them in their own homes?
• Are the youth group leaders more hip than they are in line with Titus 1 and Timothy 3?
• Have you asked your pastor if He ensures that ALL the leaders (small, women’s, men’s, youth) have a biblically sound worldview.

You would think that youth pastors would be better vetted if for no other reason than they are paid, but that is often not the case.  The church is often more interested in a relevant hip pastor than a moral one and a pastor that will entertain kids rather than disciple them.

Of course, I don’t think it is the church’s responsibility to disciple your children.  It is your responsibility as parents to train them and teach them and talk with them and build up their faith by living it out in front of them and teaching them throughout the day.

Are you a leader in the church?  Has this been your experience?

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that all parents  struggle to some degree or another with how much children change their lives.  However, for mature Christians who take God’s Word to heart, children are such an overwhelming blessing that the loss of time and money is insignificant.  Psalm 127 tells us that Children are a Blessing, a Reward from Heaven!  We should not forget that sterility is a result of sin that entered this world.

The world tells us that we should think about ourselves and that having more things and a better lifestyle is more important than having children.  The world’s wisdom tells us that children drain us, they are a weight that keeps us from being what we could otherwise be if we didn’t have them.  The world tells us that we should only have enough to extend the human race but not so many that we can’t still have time and money to do all the selfish things we want to do; two is the usually recommended number.

God tells us that we should consider others better than ourselves and that we should serve those and eagerly put our desires aside to serve others as best we can.  This is foolishness to the world.  Idiotic in fact!

Christian Parents are often no better, which I have already talked about.  This is only because, for the most part, the church has not discipled the flock…but that’s for another day.

The article comments:

Voelz and David McDonald, the other senior pastor at Westwinds Community Church in Jackson, Mich., spent two weeks educating their congregation about Twitter, the microblogging site that challenges users to communicate in 140 characters or less. They held training sessions in which congregants brought in their laptops, iPhones and BlackBerrys. They upped the bandwidth in the auditorium.

I’m all for tweeting and twittering and flapping along mightily.  But, I have to say that I like the eye contact.  It would be very disorienting to me to not have people looking at me while I talk.  Of course, the way our church does its sermons, they end up being glorified discussions.  We all take turns reading the passage and then I guide everyone along as we talk about the passage.

Maybe that is what they are missing?  Maybe they have become too big and feel disconnected. If so, I would rather see them plant a daughter church than go to this type of scenario.

What do you think?

I hear this often when people joke, and it’s always in a joke form because Human wisdom has taught us that it is alright to say very cruel things so long as we are “joking”, about selling their children, throwing their children out a window, or how they can’t wait for school to start.  Start talking about homeschooling children and you will quickly hear comments like, “I would rather shoot myself in the head!”, something I heard a mother just recently say.  Why do they say these things?  Because they have bought the lies of Human wisdom.

But does God want us to even jokingly talk about our children like this?  NO!  Psalm 127 tells us that they are gift from Him.  Psalm 78 tells us that the most important things we learn we should devote ourselves to teach them.  Duet 6 encourages us create a culture around them and our whole family that teaches them God’s word.   We are to strongly value them!

I saw this while I was preparing my talk this week and I liked it.

I hope you enjoy it.